What if Tolkien Wrote Stairway to Heaven?

I was purging some computer files the other day when I ran across these song lyrics I wrote a few years ago after Peter Jackson’s Fellowship of the Ring had just been released. It was something I did just for fun to show to my eighth grade students when we were studying The Hobbit. I forgot about until I found it the other day. I thought some of you might find it amusing.

The song is about Aragorn and his role in the Fellowship and Middle-earth. It’s meant to be sung to the tune of “Stairway to Heaven,” so you might want to listen to that song before you read these lyrics. On second thought, maybe you should just listen to “Stairway to Heaven” and call it good.

Anyway, here it is, with my apologies to Led Zeppelin and Tolkien:

There’s a ranger who knows
All that glitters ain’t gold
And he’s guiding a hobbit
To Mordor

When he gets there he knows
If the Black Gate is closed
With a sword he do what he came for.
Ooh, ooh, and he’s guiding a hobbit
To Mordor.

Durin’s Door has a sign
But he wants to be sure
‘Cause you know sometimes runes have two meanings.
In a tree by the falls, there’s an elf lass who sings;
Sometimes all of her hopes are misgiven.

Ooh, it makes him wander.
Ooh, it makes him wander.

There’s a feeling she gets
When she looks to the west
And her spirit is crying for leaving.
In her thoughts she has seen
Rings of smoke through the trees
And the ranger is fighting the goblins.

Ooh, it makes him wander.
Ooh, it really makes him wander.

And it’s whispered that soon
Rohan riders will swoon
For the worm tongue will lead them to treason.
And the new day won’t dawn
For those who fight long,
But the forests will echo with entmoot.

If there’s a traitor in the comp’ny
Don’t be alarmed now,
It’s just a vision by the elf queen.
Yes, there are two paths you can go by
But after Moria
You must determine which road you’re on.
And it makes you wander.

Your head is humming and it won’t go
In case you don’t know.
The ring is calling you to take it.
Dear ranger can you hear the wind blow
And did you know
Your stairway lies through the paths of dead?

And as you wind on down the road
The Shadow taller than your soul
There walks a hobbit we all know
Who shines white light where cobwebs grow
And always bears that band of gold.
And if you listen very hard
The reign will come to you at last
Wherefore Arwen and Elessar
Will tie the knot and be made whole.

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